Mind Fuck

One dark evening I found myself afraid of my concious
all I saw was a glow from the street lights through twenty year old venetian blinds
from four floors down
in a 1909 classic apartment building that was on the historic register



my jaw began to clench with fright
wondering if this heaviness on my neck was real

looking down
to see if anyone was there by my side
I began to feel paralyzed
bound to my bed

afraid to move
it felt as if someone was trying to kill me

As I laid there in terror
my mind began to race as if it was on a speedway
barely breathing
anxiety

heart pumping
as fast as a gasoline pump
arms pointed straight down  as if they were in cuffs
feet stretched  as if I was in a mental ward facility

I always called this place I lived in
"One Flew over the cuckoo's nest"
Full of the senior citizens and mentally Ill people
and learning disabled.

I was there because of the way the building set
the way it looked
It had many stories behind it

A pub sat on the 5th floor in the 1920's through the 50's
while all the rooms were motel rooms
lined in yellow brick

it was the spot to be
old man Leo would tell me stories
since he was the oldest there and longest living tenant

How what he called a fairy boy
nowadays the term homosexual male
would bring over lots of boys

and how a lady had red lights
in the bathrooms and her living room
closet, so she could grow " marijuana plants"
he said he could smell the smell from 2 floors down

and how people have died in there
and how it was haunted

That is when I began to wonder
if these things that were happening to me
my company

were the entities that had once lived there
or it was just once again
my conscious
fucking with me